Befriending Our Limits
In one of my recent journal entries I wrote twenty sentences beginning with, “I can’t…”. As a Visitor in Canada awaiting spousal status, I can’t work or study until my paperwork is processed. My access to healthcare and a driver’s license is restricted. I daily manage chronic tailbone pain by avoiding sitting, but sometimes I’m in so much pain that I need to lie down - which I assure you is more boring than it sounds. Late last year, a bout of depression constrained my mood, energy and sense of purpose.
Often, limits can feel unwelcome, especially when they’re unexpected. But I wonder if there is a way to befriend our limitations? Can we accept our limits and find peace? After much thought I have discovered that the presence of limit is something I really appreciate. Perhaps limit can even be viewed as a gift? After all, my Christian faith invites me to agree with God who looked upon what He made (Genesis 1-2) and said it was, “Very good.” And what God made, folks, was humans who embody limitation.
To be human is to be limited. We each occupy one space at one time at one point during history. We’re given one body, one life, and twenty-four hours a day. We age. Our family, society, geography, ethnicity, gender and intellect naturally limits us. Why is it, then, that limitation can feel so constricting? In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were surrounded by abundance and yet still chose to eat from the one forbidden tree. Humans don’t like to be limited - it can feel claustrophobic, restraining and unfair.
Confusingly, today we are surrounded by seductive messages convincing us to defy our limitations. Think of all the products offering you unlimited. Unlimited phone data, unlimited streaming, unlimited music. Gone are the days when you await a weekly TV episode to be released - now, you can consume entire series on Netflix. When it comes to food, we buy seasonal fruit year-round, enjoy ingredients exclusively grown elsewhere, and eat several different cuisines in the same week. Scheduling apps help you maximise your time, storage solutions help you maximise your space, and anti-aging products help you maximise your youth.
Back in the Garden of Eden, humankind were invited to enjoy abundance alongside limitation - I wonder if we can learn from that? I, for one, am grateful for limits when I think about speed limits, drinking limits, age restrictions, and laws. Limits really can be beautiful. In marriage, couples choose to limit their future decisions and romantic relationships in complete devotion to one another. In the gospels, Jesus “emptied Himself” (Philippians 2:7), joining humanity so as to bring God’s salvation to the world. Some of the most inspiring people are those who adapt, compete and succeed in the face of debilitating limitation. Some of the leading voices for change have found strength in the face of unjust limits. (I think of Malala Yousafzai who continues to champion girls’ education despite her own childhood education being outlawed.) In the face of today’s environmental concerns, limit might be the only strategy we have left for confronting our reckless consumer culture.
Limit slows us, humbles us and reminds us that we are dust. In times when we feel finite, we can find comfort in God who is infinite. In times when we feel limited, we can and must look to God for anything more.
Befriending Our Limits
When I wrote those twenty “I can’t…” statements in my journal, it helped. The self-pity felt good and allowed bitterness to begin moving out of my system. In order to accept our current limitations (I’m calling this acceptance “befriending”), we first must face any residual feelings of loss, anger, denial or jealousy that linger because of our limits. Generally, we can’t arrive at acceptance before we work through the gritty stuff. Journalling, verbally processing and/or praying can be helpful tools for reflection. If you’re detailed like me, writing lists can be clarifying.
Some limits are worth pushing against, too, and pausing to think critically can help you identify those. I see God-given, human limitation as good, but many limits come from other sources as well (for example from parents, leaders or governments). All over the world, young girls are dissuaded from education and that is a great example of a limit that should be evaluated and ultimately rejected. If you find yourself limited by low expectations from others, reevaluate those.
Once we observe and accept current limitations, then we can begin to explore territory where we’re not limited. Noticing my limits helped me notice the areas where I wasn’t limited. It’s as if letting go of the “I can’ts” gave me room to think of supplementary “I can” sentences. My imagination broadened a bit. So, although I can’t study formally right now, I can develop hobbies where I learn new skills (I’ve been baking a lot) and I can read books to creatively continue learning. Although I can’t sit for very long day-to-day (sigh), I can use my free time to enjoy long walks, explore Edmonton and develop a sense of home in this new-ish city.
Since limit is a fundamental human experience, let’s greet our own limitations with honesty, yes, but ultimately with friendliness.